how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
