she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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