State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
