I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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