You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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