I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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