I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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