Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Life is so much better after having sex.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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