this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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