I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
