The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize