I feel like abortions should bother me more
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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