I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
