sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
