When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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