Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
