I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
