her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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