Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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