Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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