just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
