If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize