just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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