im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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