I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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