woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
