To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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