Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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