my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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