i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
