kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
