I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
