THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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