he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
