Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
