drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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