We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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