I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
