You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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