you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
