ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
