So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
