Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
