Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize