I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
