Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Btw I puked in your glovebox
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
