i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
