Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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