Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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