3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
