chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
