This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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