i was born a porn star she said
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
