After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
