i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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