So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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