So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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