Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
