Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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