Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize