I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
