so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
