So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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