I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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