i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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