when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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